Happy Thanksgiving!

I am thankful ...

• That I look very good for my age. (I hate to sound conceited, but I decided that I will be happy to be a great looking forty something instead of lament the fact that I no longer look like a twenty something.)
• For Tiffany at Wild Iris Salon
  
• For my Honey who loves me just the way I am (no matter which personality I am expressing at that moment).
  
• For my Children. They are my reason.
  
• For teenagers that like to write creatively. They turn water into wine.
  
• For Brenda Kinsel. She gives me hope.
  
• For the Pyramid Corporation. They give me style (when I can afford it).
  
• For the Office of Letters And Light, a group that makes my Novemebers so much more interesting and exciting. Someday I will finish a novel that I start. This year so far I have doubled my word count.
  
• For the Chicago Writers Association, a group that has taken me under their wing and into their fold. They are there for me when I need a touchstone.
• For the gang at Artist's Way Play (a yahoo group) they have given me so much emotional and creative support this past year. They are my light house to weather my storms of confidence
• For the folks I know at NASA. You are pushing the boundaries and you inspire me because I see you living your dreams.
• For The Pretty Girls because you make me feel welcome.
• For mineral make-up
• For the Abs Diet. There is a lot less of me because of this.
• For my dance teacher, Austria. She Monday something to look forward to.
• For my contact lenses.
  
• For so much more than I have time to mention.
  

It is Monday

I am having the Monday blahs or something. Can't think of much to write today. The weekend went well. My summer rehab project(My image) is going well.

Down 5-8 pounds over the last 8 weeks on the Abs Diet. Most of that weight disappeared in the last week. I guess my muscle mass must have finally built up enough to start affecting my fat build up.

I can tell you that I absolutely feel "Great!" (capital G and !! are intended. That is how good it is.) Any time I bend the rules and eat fast food I feel it. Not in terms of guilt, but in terms of the tingle that usually infuses my body gets dulled.

I have an appointment to rid my face of my glasses on Thursday. I'm working hard on my Dad's "dress young and act immature" theory of aging. He says if you do those things no one will be sure exactly how old you are. I think he's right, but I need more make-up now. This is hard for a woman who is used to just washing my face and going to get used to.

I'm also learning to keep my head up and my shoulders back. I learn all these things from seeing pictures of my self and analyzing them compulsively to see what grosses me out then do the opposite.

Today I went to the new JC Penny that is opening in our area. I got a Hot! pair of A.N.A jeans. I can now go clubbing with the Pretty Girls in proper attire if I care to. I realized that my wardrobe sorely lacked good jeans a couple of weekends ago when I was invited out for a Girl's Night with my great looking group of girl friends. (I like to call them the Pretty Girls because that is exactly what they are. I always feel honored to be included in their activities. It is always an education.)I learned that weekend that jeans are required for clubbing. I don't do it much so I was under the impression that people got dressed up and put on skirts (Which they do. But not as much as they wear hot jeans, heels, and a sweet top.)

I took the advice to go low with a raised cut in back and a darker color. It truly works. I even tried on some of the Levi jeans that are aimed at the fat butt, Fight the Mom Jean demographic. I thought they looked horrible on the hanger, but I tried them on. They fit really well except that they had some sort of weird wrinkle action going where my legs meet my torso. It kind of made a rectangle. I thought I would go down a size, hoping that the jeans were too big, but the next size down was pretty darn tight, muffin topped me, and still hinted at that rectangle thing.

I'm trying to keep the costs down on this rehab project, but my Honey's knuckles are growing white from grabbing onto the desk every time he checks the checkbook or reads the credit card statement. I think I'm close to getting there and will quit updating the wardrobe soon(ish). Just hang on a little longer.

Tonight I am scheduled to attend a very interesting Home Show, Party thing. We'll see how that goes. The inventory seems like it should be interesting.

Fatty Acids

So...The other day I was standing in Walgreen's about to commit a mortal sin. I was about to actually plunk down the $30 to $50 that pay for a month's set of diet pills.

Yes, I know that diet pills don't help. I know that my diet and exercise plan are what really cause the fat to melt away. But I need to lose weight NOW! I have been on the Abs Diet, using the sample instruction from Women's Helath which gauranteed me flat, sexy abs by the end of June. And, even though I gave my self until mid July because I started late, I'm not seeing the weight drop away. I'm seeing my body tone up. I'm feeling better, and I have more energy, but I'm still 30 pounds heavier than I want to be.

So on the 4th of July I reached my breaking point. I was feeling really fat. Like "one minute I was fine, thinking I looked pretty good then the next minute I was a big old moo cow on steroids" fat.

I was getting ready to go out to the Kane County Cougars game. I love them and they have great fireworks, but every time I'm there I can't help but notice all the great looking women. They look so good in their short-shorts, halter tops, and perfect tans. I don't know if my Man has seen them. He is sweet enough not to mention them, but since some time last year I've been feeling like I can't compete. This trip was going to be different. Since I am pulling together a stylish wardrobe, compete with those little t-shirts with the empire waistline, the ones that look so cute and hide so many flaws, and I have proper shorts that fit right, I knew I was set.

I didn't even make it out of the house before it all crashed around me, psychologically speaking. At one point I even swore I was watching my ankles grow right before my eyes. Despite all my Man's assurances to the contrary, I was barely able to leave the house because I knew I didn't stack up. My man said he couldn't seen it. My mother comfortingly explained that if I was swelling as fast as I claimed I must be pregnant. So I sat myself down in the 10th row of the Grandstand and talked to myself about the realities of life. I asked myself what all my worrying and obsessing would do. Could crying make me younger? No. Could whining make me lose weight? I started to reason myself back into reasonable self confidence again. I even played "I may not look as good as her, but I've got it all over her" to cheer myself up. That was when I took my son to the souvenir shop at the ballpark and caught sight of the elderly whale in the mirror. Tomorrow . . . Diet pills would enter my diet!! It was a promise I intended to keep.

So there I stood in Walgreen's on the 5th of July. I hadn't realized that Alli was non-prescription. I had originally come in to purchase the one that eats away at all the fat around your tummy, so I stood in the Diet Aids section deeply absorbed in the brochure and debating which starter set I would buy. I must have stood there too long because I heard a bright young voice announce over the intercom, "Customer Assistance needed in Diet Aids. . . Customer Assitsance needed in Diet Aids." We've all been taught in communications class that there is the sender, the receiver, the medium and the message, right? The sender may have been trying to get a somewhat confused looking customer get some much deserved help, but she might as well having been saying "Big Fat Cow hanging out in Diet Aids. Mooove along, Bossy!"
I dropped those pills and got out of there so fast.

Actually, I'm grateful to her. I had no business buying those pills. According to the literature my weight doesn't qualify me. I can put $50 to so much better use. As a matter of fact I am planning on signing up for dance work out classes in the fall. That is so much better for me than diet pills.

But what I want to know is where is this warpped since of body reality coming from.